waTer-sTop

2012-02-19T22:55:00.003+08:00

He was strong. I remembered the times where he used to cycle me to sch ool everyday when I was young. I remembered the times when he was tough. Where he was full of ego and youth.

Not now. :"(
A man that needs three ladies to help him do his daily stuff. Though he didn't say it out. I feel it. Deep inside my heart. It must have hurt for him. To put down his ego and pride to be serve by us. Who would want to be serve by others to make himself look so weak? Still remember I used to get so embarrassed having him send me to school. How I wish now he would be back the times he cycled me to school and hit me. :"(

Everyday it just seems to hurt more. Just now was trying to help him bath. Three ladies and a man. Three of us focused so much on balancing him to not let him fall but we forgot how pain we are causing him to be by grabbing him hard. He didn't say it. He just keep quiet and endure the whole process. There was a big blister on his leg ever since he was hospitalized. I noticed that it had burst when he lied on his bed just now. And as I tap dry with a tissue, I asked him does it hurt. He said yes. Yes, it hurts. And when he said that. I learn this lesson. Many times we are too focused on what we think is good for the person, but many times, it hurt more for the person. Cause we are not the person, we don't know how he must have felt.

I feel limited as a daughter. And I would really want to help all I can. Even if it will cost me my studies.

Dear Lord, it hurts. It really hurts. I don't know how long I can continue holding on to this. I don't know how long more will I give up on this whole life. I don't know how long I can continue serving on. It hurts to see my dad like this now. It really does. It really does. :"(((( everything else seems small to me now. Even my exams I feel like giving up.

"hold my faith strong, let me not fall. Father carry me, when my walk is a fall. Lead me through this rocky terrain. Help me get back on my feet again. On my feet again." :"(

Cherish your parents. Give thanks as they are still around, healthy. :")

2012-02-19T17:19:00.002+08:00

求你聆听我每一个心跳，告诉我你什么都明了。

People will judge you, misunderstand you, leave you, betray you.
I guess I have already understood this point. Long ago.
But it's time to learn to let go. It's time to learn to stop trying proving, explaining yourself.
It's time to stop all the nonsense.
Let them say what they want, they can misunderstand you for all they want. I will not defend myself. No point defending yourself just to win them. What for?
I've learn. If they want to leave you, they will. They will. :)

求你聆听我每一个心跳，告诉我你什么都明了。

2012-01-30T12:42:00.003+08:00

I realize I was wrong. I am always wrong.

You can say anything you want about me. :)
If you think everything is as easy as you say, then be it.
If you think it's because I want fame, then be it
As long as I know that's not the reason
And if you think it's easy sharing my life,
Continue judging me and be happy :)
I won't comment
You happy can le :)
Say anything you want.

2012-01-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

Someone once told me,

Don't give a :) if you don't mean it.

And though I didn't say anything about it at that point of time
I want to say now that I appreciate the person who said that to me.
Cause I know that I can show my true self.
I can be happy when I am really happy and sad when I am affected.
I know I don't have to be what others want me to be
I don't have to give fake smileys and put up a smile everywhere I go,
Just to show ppl that I am not affected, I am happy with my life

When deep down it hurts
Mmmmm.

Thank you :)

2012-01-24T01:05:00.002+08:00

Is there sometimes when you felt like you were redundant?
That you wanna be so close yet kept so far away?
That you wanna be a part of everything but yet being pushed aside?
You want so much to be recognized and cherish by someone you love and pushing away others who love you.
Is all these worth it?
Is it?

As much as I have said, it wouldn't get through.
Seems like this whole thing is my fault
Why am I even putting in so much effort?
When will you wake up, shuiting?
That everything's not gonna be like what you want
That no matter how much effort and chance are not enough?
How many times must you cry before it's enough?

There will be one day that I can let go
And maybe by then, it won't hurt so much anymore :")

2012-01-18T00:31:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, you just cry without you knowing and don't know what's causing the heartache
But you just know that it hurts

Deeply
In somewhere deep down, the wound is still hurting
And whenever you thought of it
Tears just start swelling in your eyes

It happen to me often
Why am I allowing it to even happen over and over again?
I don't know :"(
Its time to wake up.
Everything isn't that beautiful nor perfect as I want it to be

At the cross i bow my knees

2012-01-16T21:52:00.003+08:00

Oh Lord, You've searched me
You know my way
Even when i fail You
i know You love me

Your holy presence
surrounding me
In every season
i know You love me

at the cross i bow my knees
where Your blood was shed for me
there's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
what can separate me now

2012-01-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes
Just sometimes, I feel so speechless and

But it's okay.
I will learn.

There are so many things that bothering me and I want to do something to change it
But I cant due to many reasons
Sometimes, I just feel so arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
And just want to

Lord, please grant me the courage to change things that I can change,
And the serenity to accept things that I can't change

It's okay, tml's gonna be a better day
What's in the past, I will just leave it and not hope, ponder nor stay there
Cause everything's gonna change
And I can just :)

2011-12-24T09:58:00.002+08:00

someone told me that some people dont celebrate Christmas now.
why?
because it is not the actual day of Jesus coming to earth as a baby and some other complicated stuff.
but i am curious, if you are not gonna celebrate it on 25th Dec, then when are you gonna celebrate it?
actually, everyday should be a Christmas somehow
to me, Christmas on the 25th just mark as a day where we should keep in memory what God has done for us.
That He gave His only son so that we can live
its not the day that is important,
any day we can celebrate it.
but its just the meaning

i wonder have they forgotten the fun and memories they had through the past years of Christmas?
Why do they want to let their so called knowledge to take away such joy and fun for a day where they can thank Jesus together with the non-believer for coming to earth to save us.

somehow i find it scary.
its true.
you never learn, you will never know
but to me
so what if you know alot now, know alot of ppl, know alot of things that ppl dont know so that you can speak as if you have alot of wisdom
so?
if you know so much but in return for your first faith at the beginning of the journey
is it worth it?

maybe to others, my thinking is stupid
Why not learn more, so that you know you know what you are believing

:)
i know what i am believing in.
i believe that God so loved the world that He gave His only son for us.
thats a truth that will never change through the history

and i will never trade nor exchange this for any so called wisdom nor knowledge
thats what i believe in and i wont let any of that be taken away

Dear God, please dont let us be so caught up with the world but forgot about you. totally. And please, dont let knowledge be a hindrance for us knowing and believing you. please help me look after my brother and sister in Christ that they too will know why in the first place they made the decision to believe you. I know there are may facts or information in the world passing around that 25th Dec is not the real day of Jesus coming to earth. But Lord, i still thank You for Christmas. cause Lord, You gave us a day to reach out easier to the non-beliver with this day. And Lord, let us not celebrate the day but rather we celebrate the meaning that we believe after it. God, let Christmas day be a day filled with fun, joy, tears of joy and laughter like any other past year. Thank You for being so gracious to us. Lord, i know i cant do anything as i am a human too, limited. but God, in Your hand, there lies unlimited strength and wisdom. please, fill us each day with Your wisdom, not wisdom from this world. dont let us think that we are too clever to know you anymore. please speak us directly God. We want and we need to hear from You. Thank you Lord for looking after each and every of my brother and sister in Christ and i know they are kept safe in You. Thank You for your grace and mercy. God, You are so good! please look after the day coming, tomorrow and everyday!Thank you Lord! In my saviour Jesus Christ mighty name i pray, Amen! :)

2011-12-19T00:37:00.003+08:00

maybe you have already forgotten what you once promised me
its okay, now i have realised that promises are not to be kept
humans just cant be trusted. isnt it?

2011-12-09T23:59:00.002+08:00

When did i changed?
When did i changed till i dont even know myself?
was it really love that i changed?

What happened?
Since when did all the jealousy, insecurity, unreasonable came in?
i just want to be happy and loved

what happened Shuiting?
WHAT HAPPENED?

why did you allow yourself to be hurt over and over again?
why did you always choose to hurt yourself?
why?

Why am i forcing someone who dont love me to treasure and cherish me when its not gonna be possible and keep pushing everyone else away?

maybe thats how i want to protect myself

who knows i dont want to be like that?
who knows?
being unreasonable, jealous, insecure.
that doesnt feels good.
i have to battle with myself in mind and to keep my cool
mmmmm

maybe nobody just understand
maybe i should just keep quiet
maybe someday i will just close down this blog

but, :"(
maybe there will be one day when i will run out of tears.
or maybe i should stop loving. at least there wont be anymore problems

2011-12-08T11:24:00.002+08:00

Lord You're more than anything
You're more than gold
You're more than anything

Oh Lord, You're everything to me
I will never let You go
Never ever let You go

Your love is higher higher than the heavens
Your mercy deeper deeper than the earth
Your grace is wider wider than the ocean
I will never let You go
Never ever let You go

It's time to forget and move on :)

2011-12-06T13:15:00.002+08:00

somehow stop crying seems hard to me

what's wrong with me?

seems to have already lost myself
maybe i lost myself long long time ago
but i only got to realise it ytd night

maybe things have gone wrong long long time ago

time to let out a good cry after hiding everything inside for so long.
so wanting to share it out
but i have run out of words how to say it

after crying, i will be better
i hope :")

Only You

2011-12-06T12:32:00.002+08:00

i wonder does the heart give out signals when it is really hurt or tired.
mmmmm :)

Why am i feeling this way
When You're the Lord of my days
Have i really surrendered?
Have i given all to You?

i know the things that i should do
i should be holding unto You
Have i been blinded somehow?
This heart is crying out to You

teach me what to do, my Lord
teach me what to do
i just want to be with You

Only You
You know what i'm going through
You know that i need You
Let my heart be touched to know for sure it's You
I need You
to fill my heart anew
to help me know the truth
that You've already given Yourself to bring me through to You

i know the things that i should do
i should be holding unto You
Have i been blinded somehow?
This heart is crying out to You

teach me what to do, my Lord
teach me what to do
i just want to be with You

Only You
You know what i'm going through
You know that i need You
Let my heart be touched to know for sure it's You
I need You
to fill my heart anew
to help me know the truth
that You've already given Yourself to bring me through to You

Teach me what to do Lord
Teach me what to do
Teach me what to do Lord
I just want to be with You
I just want to be with You

Only You
You know what i'm going through
You know that i need You
Let my heart be touched to know for sure it's You
I need You
to fill my heart anew
to help me know the truth
that You've already given Yourself to bring me through to You

To You

Tomorrow will be better :) mmmm

I'll follow You

2011-12-02T23:23:00.004+08:00

today. i went somewhere cool.
remember Galvin Sng?
No?
i think one of his song is the best.
"Remind me Jesus"?
It was one of the best song i have heard when i first entered into church.
it was also a song where it helped me to go through deep deep valleys

i want to thank Wei cong for inviting me to go.
And most importantly, God who planned this whole thing. :)

there were many song that is encouraging
especially this.
it sort of reminded me why i was even first on this path. why?
have it been so long till i have been numb to God?
i think so.

"At the cross roads one again
So many paths in all directions
Pointing to the different possibilities ahead
Had an idea what I wanted
But i'm not that very sure
if that's the best direction i should take for me to head up there

so i'm learning to trust that You will show the way
i'm taking faith that You'll be here to guide
my hope is in You
the One who gave His life for me so that i may live

*i'll follow You, wherever You may lead
For ONLY YOU ALONE who own the roads will know the best of ways to go
i'll follow You wherever You may lead
The one thing i know no matter how hard it could be
You'll be here for me

Still there're times I'd made decisions
That placed You by the sidelines
running after temporary things i thought would satisfy
i ran in the wrong directions
but You weren't that very far
You kept me safe from harm
You brought Your promises to pass

so i'm learning to trust that You will show the way
i'm taking faith that You'll be here to guide
my hope is in You
the One who gave His life for me so that i may live..."

God advice, encouragement always come at the right time isn't it? :)

2011-11-29T22:56:00.003+08:00

there are many things that without sharing, people wont know.
sometimes, its good, sometimes its bad.
sometimes you want attention, sometimes you are scare.
sometimes you want to share, but you cant find the right people
sometimes, just sometimes, you feel like giving up.
cause you are just not God to meet everyone's expectations.

so why make your life so difficult?
i am wondering what makes me smile everyday le
mmmmmm

trust not in human but in God
cause why?
people hurt you again and again but God accept you again and again.
isnt the contrast big enough for us to choose?
mmmmm

there are limited things that i can do.

things that i know i cant, i will just leave it to God to do it :)

2011-11-21T12:36:00.003+08:00

From the dawn of history
You made new and You redeem
From a broken world, to a broken heart
You finish what You start
Everything

*I'm living redemption story
with every step i am taking
Every day You're chipping away what i don't need
And this is me "under construction"
This is my pride being broken
Every day i'm closer to who i'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

I'm a change in the making

I'm not who I'm gonna be

Moving closer, to Your glory

2011-10-28T16:01:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I don't feel happiness at all

2011-10-26T00:11:00.001+08:00

things always end up like this isnt it?
should have expected it.

i am speechless.
and i think i should stop communicating what i want to say.
that will be better.

2011-10-24T01:20:00.005+08:00

was reminded of a show
a show which i can watch over and over again
sliding back to the few epic moments
always watching it over and over

:)

it was a pet and also an angel
always protecting
even till the very end

:)

today. not very good but
:)
tried to make everything look normal.
i did all i can.

at least i tried my very best to protect :) .
everyone else can say i didnt.
but as long as i know i did. no matter how hard it really was for me.
i will just keep trying.

you wouldnt understand the struggles i am going through
but
as long as it makes you happy

i will stop selling fish.

because, a broken vase, isnt worth that much anymore.

2011-10-22T22:33:00.003+08:00

i belong to the Adult anxious attachment.
But how i long to be in the Adult secure attachment.
how people long for me to be there too.
i am trying, still trying so hard but the journey is long and hard. you might not know it. but i know. cause its me trying to fight all the negative emotions all running in me.

-Anxiously attached adult tend to fall in love easily and frequently, though they have difficulty finding real love.
-They feel that their desires for closeness are not reciprocated, and often they are to be known as untrusting, jealous and clingy.
-Anxiously attached adult tend to be overly dependent on their partners, often to the point of obsession, and fear abandonment in their romantic relationships.
-Anxious attachment people are associated with less positive emotions and more negative emotions in romantic relationship.

different people are different. so never compare two person. this statement is true. applies to me and to others. so before you open your mouth and judge others. remember, that this is not a relationship that you can judge others. cause you are not in the person's shoes. not even a SINGLE BIT.

sometimes i just wish i could head to a place where no one knows and just live there. Alone.

or to the beach?

to the reservoir quite far away where you could see forest and could touch the water with your hands?

to ice cream shops?

to just spend the whole day playing game, competing?

to get lost in a car with someone you wouldnt mind spending the whole day with?

to be with someone knowing that the person understands you far more than others?
(this would be enough and good enough for me, but:) )

to..

mmmmmmm
i dont know where.

humans are complicated.
seriously complicated.

humans are selfish?
i have been scolded for selfish-ness.
many many times.
and you would never wanna try to be in my shoes.

how to stay out of troubles?

just do what others want and expect you to be and do.

:)

isnt that what other people want?

well, then i shall be
cause i dont want to hurt myself nor others. because of my SELFISHNESS. even when i am in deep shit and just wanna let out a big cry, i will just act as if everything is alright and continue with life. :)

cause i think. no one truely understood me.

2011-10-21T01:28:00.002+08:00

i cried while i was watching a movie today.
its called 单身男女.
A pretty old show i guess but its touching.

思念是一种很玄的东西
如影~随形
无声又无息出没在心底
转眼~吞没我在寂默里
我无力抗拒特别是夜里喔~
想你到无法呼吸
恨不能立即朝你狂奔去
大声的告诉你~

我愿意为你我愿意为你
我愿意为你被放逐天际
只要你真心拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意为你

amazingly touching
:"(

2011-10-10T21:05:00.000+08:00

is all these really what i wanted?

no one except God knows the answers.
even myself.

2011-10-10T19:46:00.014+08:00

suddenly, this song came to my mind

你常常說我很完美
沒人能取代我給的一切
我就以為我努力更完美
我們就會永遠

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美也只是不完美

後來你說我太完美
值得更好的陪在我身邊
你不是我你怎麼能體會
你有多麼珍貴

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美也只是不完美

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美成了罪

完美並不美我們多虛偽
你讓我的好變成一種罪
完美並不美當你愛了誰
我的完美也只是不完美

now i understood the meaning of the song
你不是我你怎麼能體會
你有多麼珍貴
but. i will remember what someone else said and this is what i choose
all the best :)

2011-07-28T09:03:00.003+08:00

when someone have done something wrong...
what will you do?

do you choose to reject the person? believing that the person wont change from his/her old ways and dont even bother giving him/her chance to change and grow. you might think that no way, how will the person change. he/she have done so much wrong. he/she cant made it. or cause he/she have hurt the one i loved most. but what gave you the right to condemn them? you are not God, please remind yourself if you forgot. therefore you are in no position to judge them. any idea how many have been hurt by your condemnation that they themselves believe that they cant change. ever knew how much they wanted to forgive themselves and move on but cant, cause why? the so-called christian like us condemned them?

everybody done something wrong in their past that they want to escape from and not face it. just because the person is unlucky to have his/her past made known, doesnt make those whose past are not made known good.

i dont believe God's love gave us the right to set ourself apart from those so called "sinner" who have done wrong in the past.

they too have a chance to learn from their mistake.

then why be so selfish to take away the chance that God gave them

i guess that what's God feels. and sometime i cant help but feel mad when i see all these happening.

i just want to remind you.
you will be judge the way you judged them

dont judge others when God have already chosen to forgave them

do you still believe that the church in this day still have love?

i believe, cause i will accept them for who they are and what they have done wrong.
i dont accept their act, but i accept them with God's love

"this is the love that i've found, and, with this love i am found"

2011-05-19T17:11:00.003+08:00

i am trying hard not to be affected by things that are happening around me.
but, who dont make mistakes and fall?
i am also a human. please remember that.

someone once told me this.
"We humans make mistakes and keep falling, but as long as you stand up after you fall, its alright. Just don't stop."

now then i understood what someone told me.
"Humans like to post their feelings, thoughts, emotion on the net without knowing that it will create more problems."
That's true to me now. Cause i have simply seen too much cases. If you have the urge to write it there, others have too. but, i will choose not. cause i still treasure you as my closest friend that God gave me. maybe we haven been sharing lots of things, but cause both of us are busy. who dont want to have a friend whom he/she can rely on through the worse times of life? but sadly, i cant even find that one now.
i tried my best to give the time that i could.

I wont comment much. i will just pray hard for things to work out.

One day i hope you will understand why i dont want to state things out so clearly one by one. cause nobody will win when we dig out all the past and say. but please remember, when you feel hurt, maybe someone like you got hurt that way too. but why you didnt know? cause the person told herself it is okay. not stating it out all on a place when everyone can see.

"在你宝座前，是我藏身处。"

2011-04-25T22:48:00.001+08:00

its only when you are lonely and alone when thoughts fills your mind.
and.
i guess, i am disappointed by human.

How real can a person be?
How real

2011-04-10T16:22:00.001+08:00

I am happy for you

2011-04-07T22:49:00.008+08:00

When you don't want to face another day.
Seems like your life's one big mistake.
Failures from your former self chase you,
Listen close so you know what to do.

You may not see it, and you may not feel it.
But i am holding you tightly, your spirit is near me.

So hold on, hold on.
It would not be long till it's all over.
Child, hold on, hold on.
Lay your weary head upon my shoulder.

The rain is beating down so faithfully,
but my love is more faithful you will see.
And the wind will show no mercy for your face.
But your heart is safe, secured inside my grace.

You may not see it, and you may not feel it.
But I am holding you tightly, your spirit is near me.

So hold on, hold on,
it would not be long till its all over.
Child, hold on, hold on,
Lay your weary head upon my shoulders.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Child hold on, hold on, now it wouldn't be too long.
Hold on, hold on, it would not be long till its all over.
Child hold on, hold on, lay your weary head upon my shoulder.
Hold on, hold on. It would not be long till its all over.
Hold on, hold on, lay your weary head upon my shoulder.

If you don't want to face another day, hold on, child hold on.

2011-03-29T11:42:00.003+08:00

上帝給了我一條比別人更難走的路,應該是為了要更疼愛我吧 :"(

2010-12-21T09:54:00.001+08:00

"God is at work within you, helping you want to obey him, and then helping you do what he wants." Philippians 2:13

Remember, God is working within you and me. So when things doesn't go our way, remember to choose still to obey Him and He will help us to accomplish things that He want to achieve in our lives! :)

*this is specially for you! test date will be soon! :D *

2010-12-15T09:49:00.004+08:00

"yes, you have reach my limit le."
Humans can just say anything when they are mad. Isn't it?
But they don't have any idea how hurtful it is when they say it.
Lots of things happened recently.
And I really mean lots.
With school, with friends that I thought I knew, with my life.
What happened made me realize, I can't rely on people.
I keep wanting more attention but I didn't know that I have became a burden
I wanted to find someone to share to, to be comforted.
But it is never gonna be found and that leads me knowing..
None can be relied on, so I will have to rely fully on Him.

"More than a nice melody, more than the sweetest of words.
This is the love I've found, and with this love I am found.

I just want You Jesus,
I just want You my Lord.
I just want You Jesus,
I just want You.

Never could I comprehend, the love You so freely give.
Never could I be with You, but Your love covers all of my sin.

I just want You Jesus,
I just want You Lord.
I just want You Jesus,
I just wan You.

There is no greater love than Yours, nothing else could ever compare
And even If I search all the world, I would never find a love like Yours.

I just want You Jesus,
I just want You my Lord.
I just want You Jesus,
I just want You."

2010-12-06T11:54:00.002+08:00

it feels as though part of me is missing.
honestly.
its like so hard,
but jiayou shuiting, you can do it. :)

i read something from Max Lucado book that somehow enlightens me.
it goes like this..

"I am the true vine; my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that does not produce fruit. And He trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit." -John15:1-3
In this story, God is the Good Gardener who cuts and trims the vine.
Do take note that in this verse it states:
"He trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit."
So that means, there will be time of hurting, times of disappointment when He is trimming our life.

But why does He still does it when it hurts so much for us?

Cause as a gardener, He knows whats best for the tree.
He know that once there are some diseased leaves on the branch, it can't be fruitful.
How true it is. :)

it applies for me too. sometimes i really wonder why are there so many things that happens in my life till i could even hardly breath. And why are there so much things that just hurts for me in my past. Then it reminded me that, He as the gardener of the garden is snipping away leaves on my branch. He is snipping away things that He know isn't good and is distracting me from growing.

"It's certainly not easy for us to turn our lives over to the gardener. even now, some of us are hearing the snip-snip-snip of His cutter. It hurts. But take heart.
You'll be better as a result.
Besides, aren't you glad He thinks you are worth the effort?"

If God doesnt think that you are worth it, He won't even be bothered to go so far just for you.

So for me, it hurts now. it simply hurts so much just to have a cooling down period. But if that's what God has plan for us to grow, then i will learn to accept it.
Cause i believe He is snipping away leaves of self-centredness, jealousy, selfish, proudness of my branch.

It hurts, but i believe i am still in His hands.
and cause He knows what's the best for me :")

2010-12-04T10:06:00.001+08:00

i had enough times of emo-ing and crying.

its time to move on! :)

2010-11-30T15:17:00.003+08:00

I flung my FIRST ACCOUNTING PAPER.
goog job shuiting.
This is how bad things are now.

I really feel like giving up.

2010-11-29T15:51:00.002+08:00

It's so easy to fall, but it takes one plenty of courage to stand up again.

I think I have slowly lost the passion and purpose of life.
Thinking back, 18 years of living has been tough. Lots of things happened, mostly bad stuff i guess? But, am i gonna give up here?

Doubts, fears, question, disappointment?
What happens when all of them comes together and just make you feel suffocated?
I am tired of living, cause i no longer know my purpose.
Till a point i feel like giving up everything would be the best.

Ever wondered why is it so hard for someone to stand up again?
Cause the person past is always still there, and whether you like it or not, there are people pointing fingers talking about you. I think now i understand how people feel.

I feel like changing my environment.
Finding a new place to start afresh.
Where can the new place be?

It's hard. Especially when you are alone to fall.
I have made many wrong decisions that I don't know where i can pick up again.

Can You tell me what's my purpose in life if You are really still here and watching me take every step on the wrong path.
I think i am losing my confident, my stand.

I just want to be happy.
Is it that hard?

2010-11-16T09:44:00.002+08:00

What happens when you have doubt about what you believe in?
What happens when you lost the passion that you have once hold on dearly to?

Does everything just stop when you made a mistake?
What happens when you just made too much mistake that trying again just hurts?
What happens when you have so much question inside of you but no answer is on the way?
What happens when you just don't have the courage to do what's right?

What happens when you can't find anyone to share to when you are tired and feel like giving up?
How I wish there was a delete button in life that when you hit the button, everything will be just back to normal before those nightmares.

How long is this going to stuck inside me?
I am tired and I admit that I am weak till I feel like giving up everything.
EVERYTHING.

炼净我

2010-11-02T19:29:00.003+08:00

I think this song is really meaningful and it express what i am feeling now :)

炼净我使我更像你
吸引我使我更爱你
所有梦想和骄傲都放在你脚前
我要完全顺服

献上生命完全为你用
放下自己愿你得荣耀
全心跟随活出你呼召
父神我只愿为你活

2010-10-18T19:23:00.003+08:00

when there are just too many things for me to think and everything is coming back to my mind,
i wish there will be a friend whom i can rely on, a place where i can run to seek help and to hide there for refuge.

藏--我--在，翅膀荫下。

遮--盖--我，在你大能手中。

i wonder what happens to one when she feels tired even to smile?

i know i am weak, but aren't You strong when i am weak?

2010-09-23T10:21:00.003+08:00

i will be humble before You Lord.
cause i know i am nothing in front of You.
i can't even boost for myself, unless You are with me.

Lord, i put my trust in You and on You alone.
I will learn to build my foundation on You.
Teach me, and i will learn Lord.

Cause this world has nothing for me.
they will be exciting, they will be thrilling,
but its all for a period of time.
it will just leave ppl empty and dry.

thank You for reminding me when i most needed it and when i am most dry.

Meanwhile, God was saying, “Humble yourself. You only think you know what you should do. Let me fill you with my mighty power because you are not strong enough on your own. Work for my honor, not other people’s opinions. Trust me to handle the worries and concerns. Don’t you realize how much I care about you? Watch out! Satan wants to devour your time and your soul. Stand with me against the temptation to do what you or others think will be good. I will call you to your ministries, and your strength and guidance will come from trusting me. Stand firm in your faith, and I will fight the roaring lion for you.”

my heart is YOURS for life

2010-09-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

Lord i give You my heart, i give You my soul.
I'll live for You alone.

2010-08-30T13:36:00.003+08:00

Is there more meaning to life?

change can start from me too!

2010-08-30T13:36:00.002+08:00

After reading Yujie's blog(recommendation from wenyan jie), i have alot of 感想。
I remember a film showed to me by my sec english teacher.
She showed us alot of films for us to improve our english.
Got a few of films that i still remember abit.
Super size me and one which shows us the chickens that was overfed till so big that it cant walk! WAH.

Then after seeing her blog, i feel encourage to try it out too.
I shall start trying bit by bit then. Slowly!
And i feel that what she said in her blog was true!
If we ourselves are not willing enough to try, who are we to judge them?
As in, i understand where Yujie was coming from.
She was emotional that ppl was naming her and her sisters with names.
HOW TRUE.
How many times did we speak without thinking for the person feelings?
Maybe it might be funny to us or a joke to others, it hurt others.
So i wanna start by myself! To be nice to ppl like how i want ppl to treat me!
(:
u can too! treat others the way you want them to treat you!
Although sometimes ppl will take us for granted or... even worser, it's alright!
We just have to play our part!
TRUE!
mmm, i also wan a healthier lifestyle! :D

The sufferings of His broken Heart

2010-08-22T22:44:00.001+08:00

The Sufferings of His Broken Heart
by Max Lucado

Go with me for a moment to witness what was perhaps the foggiest night in history. The scene is very simple; you’ll recognize it quickly. A grove of twisted olive trees. Ground cluttered with large rocks. A low stone fence. A dark, dark night.

Now, look into the picture. Look closely through the shadowy foliage. See that person? See that solitary figure? What’s he doing? Flat on the ground. Face stained with dirt and tears. Fists pounding the hard earth. Eyes wide with a stupor of fear. Hair matted with salty sweat. Is that blood on his forehead?

That’s Jesus. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Maybe you’ve seen the classic portrait of Christ in the garden. Kneeling beside a big rock. Snow-white robe. Hands peacefully folded in prayer. A look of serenity on his face. Halo over his head. A spotlight from heaven illuminating his golden-brown hair.

Now, I’m no artist, but I can tell you one thing. The man who painted that picture didn’t use the gospel of Mark as a pattern. When Mark wrote about that painful night, he used phrases like these: “Horror and dismay came over him.” “My heart is ready to break with grief.” “He went a little forward and threw himself on the ground.”

Does this look like the picture of a saintly Jesus resting in the palm of God? Hardly. Mark used black paint to describe this scene. We see an agonizing, straining, and struggling Jesus. We see a “man of sorrows.” (Isaiah 53:3 NASB) We see a man struggling with fear, wrestling with commitments, and yearning for relief.

We see Jesus in the fog of a broken heart.

The writer of Hebrews would later pen, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death.” (Hebrews 5:7 NIV)

My, what a portrait! Jesus is in pain. Jesus is on the stage of fear. Jesus is cloaked, not in sainthood, but in humanity.

The next time the fog finds you, you might do well to remember Jesus in the garden. The next time you think that no one understands, reread the fourteenth chapter of Mark. The next time your self-pity convinces you that no one cares, pay a visit to Gethsemane. And the next time you wonder if God really perceives the pain that prevails on this dusty planet, listen to him pleading among the twisted trees.

The next time you are called to suffer, pay attention. It may be the closest you’ll ever get to God. Watch closely.It could very well be that the hand that extends itself to lead you out of the fog is a pierced one.

Jesus betrayed by Judas

2010-08-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

Jesus Betrayed by Judas
by Max Lucado

When betrayal comes, what do you do? Get out? Get angry? Get even? You have to deal with it some way. Let’s see how Jesus dealt with it.

Begin by noticing how Jesus saw Judas. “Jesus answered, ‘Friend, do what you came to do.’ ” (Matthew 26:50)

Of all the names I would have chosen for Judas it would not have been “friend.” What Judas did to Jesus was grossly unfair. There is no indication that Jesus ever mistreated Judas. There is no clue that Judas was ever left out or neglected. When, during the Last Supper, Jesus told the disciples that his betrayer sat at the table, they didn’t turn to one another and whisper, “It’s Judas. Jesus told us he would do this.”

They didn’t whisper it because Jesus never said it. He had known it. He had known what Judas would do, but he treated the betrayer as if he were faithful.

It’s even more unfair when you consider the betrayal was Judas’s idea. The religious leaders didn’t seek him, Judas sought them. “What will you pay me for giving Jesus to you?” he asked. (Matthew 26:15) The betrayal would have been more palatable had Judas been propositioned by the leaders, but he wasn’t. He propositioned them.

And Judas’s method … again, why did it have to be a kiss? (Matthew 26: 48–49)

And why did he have to call him “Teacher”? (Matthew 26:49) That’s a title of respect. The incongruity of his words, deeds, and actions—I wouldn’t have called Judas “friend.”

But that is exactly what Jesus called him. Why? Jesus could see something we can’t...

Jesus knew Judas had been seduced by a powerful foe. He was aware of the wiles of Satan’s whispers (he had just heard them himself). He knew how hard it was for Judas to do what was right.

He didn’t justify what Judas did. He didn’t minimize the deed. Nor did he release Judas from his choice. But he did look eye to eye with his betrayer and try to understand.

As long as you hate your enemy, a jail door is closed and a prisoner is taken. But when you try to understand and release your foe from your hatred, then the prisoner is released and that prisoner is you.

Lord, i give up all my rights to be angry, emotional, to feel right.
Cause at the foot of the cross, Lord, i a nothing but a servant of Yours.
Tame my heart, teach my heart, give me a obedience heart to Your heart.
Teach me.
Lead me.
Till one day i will be out of the box when You say good to me :)

2010-08-15T23:15:00.003+08:00

Lord, i am tired of this vicious cycle.
If this is what You want for me, i will follow, even if it hurts.
And, trust me, i am not going back ever again.
If giving up everything; conveniences of my life, happiness in going out, enjoying life can let me experience You, i am willing.

Lord, I am.

(Take this offering that i bring, humbly i fall on my knees,
to proclaim You're everything.
My life's nothing without You, take my hand and lead me through,
You are my sustaining love.
^I live to worship You, I live to worship You.
*Here i am, worshiping You, with all i am, worshiping You.
Bowing down, in spirit and truth, with all i am worshiping You.)

God's timing is always the BEST!

2010-07-25T19:14:00.003+08:00

Today is a wonderful day.
Indeed, proclaiming in faith certainly works different.
This morning, upon entering the PA ROOM chek asked me, "Do you believe today is a good day?" Out of faith in the Lord, i replied immediately without thinking much. "i believe its a good day!" And today, really, God blessed me alot. Really alot.
He seems to be reminding me things that i keep forgetting.
I remember that time when i thought i got ill that time, when all negative thoughts enter my mind, i told God. "If i am fine and my body is well, i am gonna stay single for You for 5 years." Apparently, i think over the time, i tend to forget. But that was a promise i told God. A wish that i have made. I seem to have forgot along the way.
And please, if you see me wandering off God's way and forgetting my promise to God, scold me or remind me. Help me to help myself. I have to admit that sometimes i will forget.

Lord, I believe that Your timing is good. It will always be better than mine, far greater than mine.
And, remember, there is no mistakes in God's timing and don't doubt God, He is always good to YOU! (:
And, i saw the importance of prayer by the sharing of the pastor today.
She prayed 18 years for her father to believe Christ.
Lord, how long do i have to pray?
And, Prayer is amazing. It works wonder.
It was a tool that God gave us to use.
THE POWER OF PRAYER IS BIG,as long as you believe and use it.
Persevere on for Him!

And last thing.
God don't work only in our past. HE works TODAY, TOMORROW and YOUR FUTURE. its just whether you want to turn your eyes from your past and focus on His work.

~Our good past will make us proud today when we look back.
Our bad past will make us hurt and deplete our strength to move on.
So which do you want?
I choose to focus on Him, from today on. (:

Because of Christ grace and mercy, i'm found again.

2010-07-21T20:06:00.004+08:00

Have u ever have times when u seem so busy till u seem to lose meaning and just feel like not doing anything?
I have. (:
Sometimes, i will tend to get so busy till i forget why i am living for. But actually everyday of my life should be used to the fullest. But somehow, it feels that i am just letting each day past. This isn't a very good place where i can write down all my thoughts and feelings. I just feel so.

So what's my purpose in life?

Just nice i came across this song.

"To the desperate eyes and reaching hands,
To the suffering and the limp.
To the ones the world has cast aside,
where You want me I will be.

*I will go, I will go,
I will go, Lord, send me.
To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry.
Take everything I am,
I’m clay within your hands.
I will go, I will go, send me.

Let me not be blind with privilege,
give eyes to see the pain.
Let the blessing you’ve poured out on me,
not be spent on me in vain.
Let this life be used for change.

^I want to live for you
Go where you need me
I want to follow you"

I am just clay and i am in no position to question why my Creator made me this way. But i know i am definitely more blessed by so many out there. So Lord, let me live this life the way You want me to live. Take away any emotions or feelings that will distracts me from You. I don't know where all this emotions and thinking came, but Lord, You said i could control them and not the other way round. So give me a spirit of joy. A spirit that is contented just to have You. At times, i feel discouraged or just simply don't know why moodiness, but Lord, i am contented to know that i still have You.
That's all that matters.

i know i am weak, i know i am unworthy, but Lord, because of Your grace and mercy, i come to You still. Not covered with shame of what i have done wrong but the grace that is enough to hold me through.

"I have not much to offer You,
not near what You deserve.
But still I come because Your cross,
has placed in me my worth.

Oh Christ my king of sympathy,
Who’s wounds secure my peace.
Your grace extends to call me friend,
Your mercy sets me free.

*And I know I’m weak,
I know I’m unworthy,
To call upon your name.
But because Your grace,
because of Your mercy,
I stand here unashamed.

I can’t explain this kind of love,
I’m humbled and amazed.
That You come down from heaven’s heights,
And greet me face to face.

^Here I am,
at your feet,
In my brokenness complete.

And I know I’m weak,
I know I’m unworthy,
To call upon your name.
But because Your grace,
because of Your mercy,

I stand here unashamed."

how do i help Lord?

2010-07-18T14:33:00.002+08:00

I have to admit that i am still a human.
And please, all i hope is u guys wouldnt condemn me for what i have done wrong or what.
After all i am a human.
I am not someone cold blooded. I have my own feelings too. like a human.

Dear God, I realise there have been so many times where i wanna help people but ended up making a mess out of it. I really wanna help but ahhhh, forget it, no point explaining it.

I seriously have a feeling to just ignore all things and live my own life. Not get into all these conflicts but God, i know u want me to learn. The feeling in me is somehow strong that.. Please give me more strength and teach me what You want me to do and learn.

i will stay strong i think.
this time, i wanna rely on Your power and not myself.
Hopefully.
Jiayou to myself

swollen big thumb

2010-07-11T22:36:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since i blogged!
So here i am, abit random but u guys must be thankful k!
cause i am blogging with an injured thumb!
my thumb is currently swollen and looks fat!
Went to play basketball with my cell member ytd after dinner and,
the basketball hit my thumb straight down and now, dunno is the veins or bone hurt!
and it was really super pain!
Even painful than last time get hit by netball! ):(probably cause basketball heavier?)
And it seriously hurts now as i type!
I realise i cant do some of my daily stuff like brushing my teeth! ): i have to slowly use my left hand and some other things which i should not mention! ):

And i think i am having a written paper test this week! hahhahha:D
sounds pretty exciting though! :D
But God was really nice to me! pastor passed me a bottle of thing to spray on it and he say just ask me to return after i recover. i was touched! (: seriously speaking! (: But Lord, please let my thumb recover fast! cause i really feel weird like this! )):
NVM! will recover fast de! i have FAITH! hahahahah! :D

shall pass my com to my sis for her work le! shall update soon with good news! :D

THIS IS THE DAY!

2010-06-30T16:17:00.001+08:00

Today is my birthday! HAHAHA:D
Happy birthday to myself!
Have been wondering should i blog anot,
but since i am waiting for someone, shall use the time to blog!
HAHAHAH:D

this morning, i saw my mum. and it kinda reminded me something.
Today is my birthday, but 18 years ago de today, my mum went through the pai and give birth to me! Wow! it somehow seemed cool and awesome to me as i was thinking back.
So actually i am 18 years and 9 months old on this very date.
Thinking of the pain that my mum went through made me feel that my mum is an awesome mum! THANK GOD FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL MUM! though at times i get irritated at her naggings, sometime when i asked myself if one day she were to leave me. thinking of that hurts me already. My mum is a strong woman, super strong.
to continue with my story.
I should be thankful to God.
Not for all the presents that i have received or blessings from ppl.
Rather, i am thankful that He was with me through this 18 years.
Thinking back, those years that seem so hard to pass were all the past.
There were happy, sad, heartbreaking moments in my life like anyone else.
But i am thankful that He did not give up on me so that i may have a hope to be living for now.

Still i am thankful for everyone He placed in my life, cause i believe that everyone is important to Him too.

Especially my mum.
Thank You Jesus for such an awesome mum. (:

So,
i will end with a song:

"This is the day that the Lord has made,
(He had planned this date way way way ahead for me)
I will rejoice and be glad in it!
(I will Lord, for You in my life, I will. No matter whats the situation!)"

Revival is coming to town!

2010-06-23T23:42:00.002+08:00

Thank God for the reminder and encouragement that He gave us through this 3 days at One Love Conference. It's a totally different experience for me!

And i learned something very important,
pray hard for revival.
We need revival in Singapore.
Maybe i have taken this too lightly last time, but God, let me this time not take it easily again.
We want to see You working in Singapore working miracles!
We will be different!
Yes!

Are you excited about what's coming? I AM!

Thank you Lord

2010-06-19T01:23:00.003+08:00

It's so late now, and I am blogging! WEEEEEE~
I haven blogging for quite a long time, very long. hahahahha(:

Ytd was my last day at FSRC, Facebook Surfing Recreational Club. hahahah(:
but the real term is Financial Service Resource Centre.
The first name was given by Mr Rong Kai, which really suited what we really do in class! :D Thinking back of my days in FSRC, 9 weeks in total.
I still remember vividly my first week there. I didn't really like it, cause it seems like my supervisors are nailing on us. And things and ppl there seems abit... mmmm.
But I thank God for bringing me through this 9 weeks. It has certainly been a fruitful one too. I learn many lessons in there.

I didn't see how God could have work at there, but God did it for me. Everytime when things seem impossible, He still work things out for me.

I will certainly miss FSRC. And I thank all those who make my stay at FSRC a memorable one.
Mr Moses for being such a real-life teacher,
Mr Terence for encouraging and motivating us,
Mr Anthony, Wilson, Rajes, Roston, Mei wei, Jan, Regina, Hwee Key, Nurul, Atira, Shikin, Peter, Carene, Huimin, Natelle, Joween, Stanley, Hafiz, Liting, Ming yi, Joanne, Chester, Yu Jun & Vicky.
Also not forgetting those from my class,
Kakak, Lynnie, Benson, Gina, sherin, Ian, Yuan Fei, Rong Kai.
I thank God for building the friendship between us!
I may not be the best friend of u guys but i thank God for the chance of being friends of u guys!
I really enjoyed myself. And i somehow don't wish to move on to classical.
There were many misunderstandings and quarrels along the way, but those that doesn't make us fall, make us stronger!
And, we are stronger i guess(:

In conclusion,
thank you Jesus, thank you Lord for making everything so nice for me. I may not see it's purpose and directions at first. But i will learn along the way. And thank God for letting me know all those awesome friends at FSRC!

I still have to move on with life. Letting go of the past and memories and move on.

There are still many things for me to look forward, isn't it?

Moving on,
Lord, i wanna learn during the 3 days of conference.
Let me see and learn your works.
Use me as an empty vessel of u.
Make me complete in you.
I don't know how i can help others, cause i feel limited in my words and actions.
You know me, cause after all, i am still nothing but a human.
I wanna help in many ways, but with You.
At the place where i fell, i wanna stand up and walk again. This time, with You along. Tagging behind You.
I will be strong!
I will!
刚强行事!

"Here I stand within Your presence longing for Your touch,
a thousand days cannot compare to one day in Your courts.
Hold me now and never ever let me go.
My Jesus, My precious Saviour, i'm forever Yours.

And i will worship You forever, i will worship You.
i'm forever Yours."

Tired

2010-06-07T17:48:00.001+08:00

I am tired. So so tired.
Guess my body has not recovered from the day i stayed over in church.
Physically tired. super.
just finish chiong-ing a project. left with two more report this week.
Just have to jiayou more for this week.
Jiayou Shuiting.

2010-05-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

Shuiting, it's time to start praying.

My 2010 birthday wish list!

2010-05-27T17:08:00.003+08:00

I have just finished my presentation! Which was quite a scary one. And i just realise i haven't been blogging for pretty long. So here i am blogging while the last group of my classmates are presenting on Citibank. For your information, mine was on OCBC which i realise, our group doesn't have much to present as there seem totally good. Being in Banking and Finance certainly is challenging.

mmmm. my birthday is coming! pretty excited! hahahahah:D just like 1 month away. i was still thinking when my birthday will come at the starting of the year.

Yipp! Birthday coming!! HAHAHAH:D
For this year, it seems like a meaningful year for some people!
My birthday wish list for this year goes as follows...
mmm.
1. A good backpack! (Must be nice de also la!:D)
2. A nice and simple going out bag!
3. Shoes! (All my shoes are giving way): )
4. I don't mind Ang bao! haha:D (I am totally broke!)
5. A watch! (A formal one is more preferred!)

i can't think of any more things. For this year, i wish for practical and useful stuff for daily life! ohh. Maybe some finance for my business too? HAHAHAH:D
For those planning to get me those stuff above, please kindly state at my tagbox so that others will not buy it too! HAHAHAH:D
Even though i stated what i would like and wish for this year, i like those given with love too! (:

class is ending home soon!! and tomorrow is holiday! Wanna go home and rest!!! :D

2010-05-18T20:27:00.001+08:00

Selfishness destroys love.

2010-05-17T19:59:00.002+08:00

Realise i have not been blogging for a long time. haha(: Perhaps i have no idea what i should blog. Things have been going fine i guess. Some pain, some gain. Seems like i have been repeating some things evertime. Better not to repeat it again! Now, i want to focus my life serving after what i heard a few weeks ago.

At what age do u want to get married?
25 or 26? That's the ideal age for most woman.
Then imagine if i get into another relationship now, how long do i have to stay in it?
7 or 8 years?
Do i have the confident that i can stay in it for so long? If not, don't waste time investing in it now. Rather i can use it to do other things.
Sounds quite true.
So i shall convince myself to stop searching now! haha:D
quite hard. But i will try, not by myself, i can do all things!
You have treated me well, but some things we have make it clear. why not focus on other things now? (:

i believe u can do it(:

Time to get busy for Him! No point talking but acting it out!! stay firm! jiayou!!

在祢手中

2010-04-29T10:28:00.008+08:00

也许曾渴望拥有，但祢要我慢慢学习放手。
在每一分钟。
现在我已经不同, 生命属祢，不属于我。
甘愿成为祢手中美好的工作。

饒恕是一份很難的功課...。饒恕絕對不是遺忘，相反的，你必須一一面對過去的傷害，一一的原諒。對於一個沒有經歷到神的愛的人來說，這無疑是一種二次傷害。因此許多人只是選擇遺忘，假裝自己已經原諒了，但其實心裡面累積很多傷。真正的饒恕，並不是一般人印象中的以高姿態來原諒別人，而是先要承認自己軟弱受傷，沒有能力原諒，再為他們，也為自己，祈求天父的赦免，這樣神的愛才能進到你受傷之處，在醫治的同時，也使你得著饒恕他人的能力。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi9ADuMga0A

2010-04-29T08:18:00.005+08:00

It seems like my life is a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes, it's smooth while sometimes it gets bumpy enough for me to fall.

Lord, this time round, i guess You have something for me to learn. And i will jolly well learn. If others think that I am in fault. Then i am. I am tired of arguing. It's time to let go of others and myself. (:

You know the thoughts in my mind.

You know that i want to give up and run away from all these. Running to other places where perhaps no one knows what happened and start again.

Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hand.
Cause i can't do this on my own.
I'm letting it go, so give me one more chance.
Save me from this road i on.
Jesus take the wheel.

I'm sorry for the way, i've been living my life.
So from now on today.

Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hand.
Cause i can't do this on my own.
I'm letting it go, so give me one more chance.
Save me from this road i on.
Jesus take the wheel.

Daddy, don't leave me. I am willing to do anything to stay inside of You.

Cause i am broken and left with nothing.
Please.

And Lord i ask something from You. Give me friends who really care for me and not making use of me. (: This time round, i will prefer girl friends. Cause i realise there isn't much whom i can turn to when things happens.

我紧紧跟随你

2010-04-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

你是我道路真理生命
你爱危难中使我安息
虽然有时我不明白你的道路旨意
但我确信我的未来在你手中坚定

*不在乎别人怎么说
我紧紧跟随你
不走回我自己的路
我紧紧跟随你

你是我道路真理生命
你爱危难中使我安息
虽然有时我不明白你的道路旨意
但我确信我的未来在你手中坚定

*不在乎别人怎么说
我紧紧跟随你
不走回我自己的路
我紧紧跟随你
不在乎会发生什么
我紧紧跟随你
唯有你我跟随到底
我紧紧跟随你

^我紧紧跟随你（我要奔向你）
我紧紧跟随你（我要奔向你）

*不在乎别人怎么说
我紧紧跟随你
不走回我自己的路
我紧紧跟随你

不在乎别人怎么说
我紧紧跟随你
不走回我自己的路
我紧紧跟随你
不在乎会发生什麽
我紧紧跟随你
唯有你我跟随到底

我紧紧跟随你
我紧紧跟随你
我紧紧跟随你
我紧紧跟随你
我紧紧跟随你

不在乎别人怎么说, 主耶稣，我紧紧跟随你！
不走回我自己的路, 主耶稣，我紧紧跟随你！

我要学着更坚强, 我要学会往前奔跑！
不管别人对我有什么眼光，不管我的过去有多糟糕。
我仍相信祢爱我,从不放弃我！那我更不应该放弃我自己！
好不容易做出了这些决定,不要回头看,不要在这个时刻放弃。
加油！

有耶稣我不在孤独!

What am i doing?

2010-04-25T23:06:00.003+08:00

Today was a not that easy day for me.
SOmehow decided to make some decision which will hurt alot. Temporary. I believe.
It hurts too for me. (:
But now, i know what's the right thing to do. After so many trials and error. Thank You Lord for guiding my way.

Loving God= Taking away all that distracts you from Him.

I know i am not ready for anything. Now. For sure. Like what ah yi say, i don't want to hurt myself and others.

Lord, i am weak now. I admit that i am weak and i have no one to rely on.
I know i am left only with You after i did all those. It seems so fast, everything. Till i got abit headache. Don't ask me for answers to those questions you have for me. I don't have them now but i only know what is right doing.

Today went out with my sis. ONLY. And it was a nice time out with her. Everyone i can don't want. But not my sis. She's my family. so yes, after that we went home. There was a strong stench at my hse downstairs when we reached home. And we started pondering what causes that. And i somehow checked and try to link where it came from. An apartment. Which inside there stays an old man. Lonely old man; whom i often saw. He was that friendly and well dressed old man. probably at 80's even. We started thinking alot of things. The stench was real strong. As i am typing this now, i can still smell it. So we decided to call the police. After awhile waiting downstairs, police didnt came. So we went back home to wait. And my father say that, the police came this morning. Then he started saying those.... errr. weird stuff. then we ask him. What happened to the uncle downstairs? He said. He passed away. ahhhhhhhh. it was like. me and my sis was still praying hard that nothing bad would happen. my dad say it was three days seem he saw the uncle. Me and my sis even went looking at his apartment and see whether we can get anything anot, but somehow there were just this eerie feeling. so we somehow stopped doing what we were. I even tried knocking on the door asking if the uncle was at home. And, turn out. My heart somehow aches. The uncle was always alone. But he was friendly. He always smiled when he saw us. My sister even shared that he was quite a talented person. He knew violin to my sister knowledge. Wow. i was amazed. but now, we lost another soul. ):

Now i understand what it means when they say:
We are competing against time, for lost souls.

Indeed.
Then what are we still doing?

What am i doing?

It really hurts. But after all these, there will be a beautiful rainbow.

Thank You Lord for not giving up on me. Let me learn how to grow. And him. (:

And please, let me remind you,

If you want to judge others, please remind yourself if you like to be judged by others. If you don't like. PLEASE. keep your mouth SHUT. If you don't. Be responsible to God. I don't care if you judge me anot. Cause i believe He listens to what everyone thinks and say. It's all in Him.

My life is all about HIM!

2010-04-24T23:31:00.002+08:00

Today was an AWESOME DAY!
Thank You Jesus, thank You Lord!
Guessed those who went for the One Love conference will agree with me!

Though i was at the back of the hall throughout the whole thing, i thank God for still remembering me being there. Trust me, worshipping Him in the room all the way back and right in front of the stage makes no difference if you really worship and seek Him with Your heart. His presence was so.. strong there at the hall. And i thank God for letting me learn a few learning points.

In the control room at the back, i realise i was the only one from the other church. The rest was all Cornerstone people; as in it's all their ministry. Even the projectionist of their church was there. It somehow made me thought, "Why was i even then in the room? Wasn't it abit like... Alien?" But i thank God after thinking back. He has better plans for me! The projectionist was Kelly ans i thank God for her as she really helped me alot. And from being the projectionist for today's event, i saw how small my ministry was and yet i am still complaining about my work load. I saw alot alot of things which opened my eyes. Kelly, she took lots of initiative in helping me out. She didn't even complained abit of being there doing nothing. She helped me alot! By changing the buttons so that the camera function will work out. With her around, i feel more at ease too. I also got to know two of their PA crews! Awesome! (: They was great and friendly to me too! (: And here i wanna apologise to Huihui jie. Sorry for throwing my temper at you when i got to know that i was on duty during One love. I was just thinking for myself. "If i were to do orderly, doesn't that means that i won't be receive like what other received?" But still, you gave me a chance on being orderly for today. Thank You(: And it taught me some cool things.

You know when i was at the back doing the slides for worship, i was so excited when i saw one particular scene! I saw the first half practically jumping with joy for Him! It was like. "WOW!" And i thought to myself, "if me being at the back would let and help people worship at ease and joy, why not?" And this proves that what Joi ah yi prayed for me was true. Indeed, i was nothing without Him. Completely nothing. I stand at where i was, was plainly cause of His promise and grace.

I have nothing to boost but Him.

I still have a long way to go Lord, teach me how to be patience like reading those cubics and measurements in Your words.

And i learned that, the Lord is still seeking for someone like David now. Now. Itimacy with the Lord. i guess i am still. hahaha(: pretty far. But i will keep pressing on and move on! And through Pastor Philip, i saw how important God was to Him. Something that He won't want to share with people but he wants to have that relationship with Him. I learnt another thing too. It's better to be lost in the presence of God than people. I rather be praise by God then people. Really. Pride and Proud really push us away from Him!

Be strong and i choose to be lost in HIM!

让我学这么样用一生爱祢

2010-04-19T20:26:00.003+08:00

Today is my first day back in school for my year 2 at NYP.
I wanna give thanks to God.
Cause He helped me to reduce my travelling time to school from 1 hour to half and hour! hahahhahaha:D with the opening of the circle line. I can get to school from my hse within 30 mins. certainly sounds good and better now! (:
And thanks to all those who build the circle line. Though i dont know who.
But i certainly appreciate it. (:

My life has been.. not that good recently?
But i guess through all those i learn that i should rely on God more than myself.
Be it in ministry or family.
It seems hard pressing on. But i believe after all these, i will be even stronger.
I will keep walking. I don't want to choose to stop. Cause i know when i stop my walk. i will not stay stagnant there, instead i will go back sliding. And i will not let that from happening. I will prepare enough oil. i don't want to leak oil when i am serving. instead, i want to gain as much oil so that i can be the one who has enough oil upon waiting for my Lord.

i will remind myself, remind myself.
continuously reminding myself.

My life is brought with a high price, a high cost.
And i am not gonna let it waste again.

Time is hard now, but at least i know when i am struggling and struggling.
You will still be by my side.
i will never be alone. never.

“我敬拜祢我神, 我敬拜祢我神。
我爱祢，我爱祢。
我永远要歌唱，我永远要与祢同行。
与祢同行。

我敬拜祢我神, 我敬拜祢我神。
我爱祢，我爱祢。
我永远要歌唱，我永远要与祢同行。
与祢同行。"

I want to learn how to love You using my whole life.
I don't want to just use my lips and mouth to say how much i love You.
I admit i don't know how to love You. I admit that. But i am willing to learn. As long as You give me a chance to learn.

I don't want to return to how i have been before.
I don't want.
I don't want to waste my life doing things that are not even worth.
Use me mould me, break me and make me.

They always say a home is where you can recover when you fall and grow tired,
what happen when it isn't like that anymore?
Has anyone recently felt like not going home?

Well, i have.

Keep me in prayer, please.

thanks(:

2010-04-11T21:58:00.002+08:00

i haven been blogging for a long time.
But yet, i don't have anything much to post about.

I am still confused of my life.
What lies ahead Lord?
Lead me on.

Lead me on and make me strong. Stronger

祢早已預備

2010-03-29T19:52:00.003+08:00

就算我可得到世間的財寶
但你卻說要我知道是永生的道路
是我在罪人時你賜我中保

就算我可得到今生的自豪
但你卻說要我知道
別為因此而煩惱在絕望裡投訴
只要仰望主哪怕會迷路

上帝早已預備我不相信運氣
即使風光明媚但卻不是你預期
上帝早已預備至少我不被遺棄
難得你為我死

就算我可得到今生的自豪
但你卻說要我知道
別為因此而煩惱在絕望裡投訴
只要仰望主哪怕會迷路

上帝早已預備我不相信運氣
即使風光明媚但卻不是你預期
上帝早已預備至少我不被遺棄
難得你為我死

感謝你你會為我打氣
感謝你從谷底將我救起
感謝你縱使失去我的真理
但我沒有忘記

上帝早已預備我不相信運氣
即使風光明媚但卻不是你預期
上帝早已預備只少我不被遺棄
難得你為我死
難得你為我死

Love is true when it is being tested.
Family love?
I guess it's the same way too.
I belived You have prepared for me.
I believe and continue to trust in You

What do you want in your life?

2010-03-10T14:54:00.003+08:00

So fast, i have been staying at my cousy house for the third day, looking after those two cute monsters. HAHA:D They have indeed been naughty but cute at the same time.

Learn pretty lots of stuff.
Learn how to handle with kids mostly.

And, God did something cool for me too!

From very long ago, i wanted to get a book named "On The Anvil" by Max Lucado.
But since i wanted to get that book, i saw several other books by the author at the shop.
So i asked him what should i get and he recommended me other books as he say will be more relevant to me as he say the book "On the Anvil" have quite little stories so i decided to forgo it. But i really want that book alot. But after awhile, i guess i make do with the other books that i bought. So ytd afternoon, when all of them was sleeping. I went exploring in their hse study room. Then i was looking through the book shelf and i saw Lucado. And i took it out, it was that book. Except that it was an older version of it but still the same!
God was indeed good to me. I was still thinking of catching a nap or watching tv, but the sudden thought of exploring their study room came in to me when i was in the toilet.

And indeed the book carries alot of reminders and encouragements to me.
It shows me that God love is forever enough for me to use.
I really learnt alot.
I learn the parable of the new wine is for fresh skins said by Jesus in the parables.

In the book, it states, by putting new wine into an old skin, it will be lost as it will spoil the old skin. That was always what i read from the bible. Nothing more. I don't think anymore. But think for a minute, do you have any new skins that need to be thrown out? Look closely in your closet. They come in all kinds of sizes and shapes. Maybe yours is an old indulgence- food, clothes, sex. Or an old habit- like gossip or profanity or possible like the story that the author gave- Steve, who can't let go of an old relationship.

If you can't let go of all these in your life, Jesus cannot come into your life.
It's either Jesus or those old indulgence/habits that you have or hold on to.
But no friendship or romance is WORTH YOUR SOUL.
REPENTANCE SIMPLY MEANS CHANGE.
Don't come to God repenting repenting repenting and end up walking out the church door with a heart and mindset that is not change AT ALL. God does not need that. He knows we need.
And change means PURGING your heart of anything that CAN'T COEXIST with Christ.

You can't put new life into an old lifestyle.
The inevitable tradegy occurs.
The new life that Jesus wants to give to you is lost at your own foolishness and stubbornness.
Make a decision.

Christ or you?

And i have decided, i wanna let go of everything that is holding me back with God.
Be it my past, my character or whatever.
I am gonna give it to God.
I want Him.
Cause only His love can fill me up.
All the love that i have been looking for or going after doesn't fill me up or make me full.
It just makes me feel more empty then before and losing somethings of mine.
i don't want.

I DON'T WANT!

If i have to be selfish so that my future will be better, i will be.
So if i have to hurt you to make me grow and let go, i will.
Cause i know that's worth it.
If in the future, i can't get married or what.
It's alright. At least i know i have done my part for making my life better.

So please, move on with life together with me.
Move on.
It hurts.
But short term is always better than long term pains.

God always put things in our life for us to learn valuable lessons.

"To live is Christ, and to die is gain."

still. ON TRACK

2010-03-07T23:51:00.002+08:00

i can't believe i am still here posting when i am suppose to still wake up early tml morning.
heehs:D
don't tell huihui jie k! :D

Recently, i cut my hair!
LOL:D quite alot of ppl say it wasn't nice or ugly.
But well, it's still my hair, and i will learn to love it.
Just like who i am, i must learn to accept and love myself.
Heehs.

My life seems to be..
still on track now.
Thank You Jesus, Thank You Lord.

It may seems hard for You to get your life back on track once you lose it.
But if you never try, you will never know.
God loves you.
God loves me!
Even when everything that we do is wrong, is sinful or anything u can describe it.
Don't EVER give yourself excuses that say,
i am not good enough to be loved by Him, i am just a sinner, just let me be who i am.
If you think this way, don't you think you let Him die abit unworthy?
If He is willing to die for you, you are certainly worthy.
Maybe not to humans, but to HIM.
THAT'S FOR SURE.
Those who are forgive much will love much,
so if you think you are still screwing up your life out there.
It's alright.
But it's time to make a U-turn.

Luckily we have a God who allows U-turns.
Imagine the world without U-turn.
.....
can't imagine.
haha(:

This week, i will be a part time nanny i guess.
Sounds interesting!

And, it seems that i have finally come to a conclusion.

Relationship stuff?
No time for it now, must grab every min i have to use it fruitfully!
So i don't wanna think about it now!
It's easy to say, hard to do. But Lord, let me have the perseverance.
For You and myself(:

Maybe i will miss a few along the way, but, i believe you have created one personally for me!
Friends are much preferred now!

I feel so much better without having attached to anything.
And i can focus more!

Shuiting must jiayou jiayou lo!
:D

He loves. He pursues. He persists. And, every so often, a heart starts to soften.

Let yours be one of them.

2010-03-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

There seems endless of things needed to be pray for.
And, i have just concluded one sentence,

"When God works, satan tries out his ways too."

So?

Don't sit there waiting for God to do His work on you, meanwhile, spend time on His kingdom.
Work for Him if you expect Him to do something for you.

If God is working hard to make things possible for us, who are we not to work even harder for Him?

Things happened, i wonder what can i do for Him too.
Nothing much but rather praying.
I guess i should commit myself to at least that if that's the least i could do.

I think God's heart ache more than mine now.

I wonder how does God has so much patience on the Isrealites as stated in the bible.
Was it cause they are worthy? After they had chosen to forsake Him everytime after He saved them from their enemies. How many times have we done that too?

In my daily reading, i have been reading about the kings story of Isreal.
There were some mighty and strong times in the bible of Isreal.
But when did they fell?

When they,
forsake God, the one who created them and worship those whom they made with their own hands.

Some kings went high up, high high high high up in their position among all nations,ended up forsaking the one who helped them,
but then?

i think to me, the story of Solomon king seems so WARNING.

Have we forsake Him after getting what we wants from Him?

i think i will conclude with,

the best gift that i have ever receive will be His salvation.
Without that, i don't know where i will even be.
Please, don't ever let me forget this.

Your river is love!

2010-02-27T14:13:00.002+08:00

Here I bring my stains and crown
Gentle river wash me now
Your love is deeper than I know
Your waves higher than I can go
Lead me in Your holiness
I will follow, I confess
Glory is the song I sing
Your life is living me

(Chorus:)
Where would I be, without You, without You
Where would I be without You

I will bow before the cross
Cherish my redeemer's cost
There is nothing I can do
Than only stand amazed by You
Immersing You with everyday
Wrapped up in Your arms of grace
Nothing more, You're all I need
Your life is living me

(Chorus)

Like a waterfall, You fill my heart and overflow
Like a candle flame, You light my way and lead me as I go [2x]

Where would I be, without You, without You

Spirit over, let me overlow [4x]
Let me overflow [4x]

This morning was awesome!
Thank God finally my exams are over, and, i thank Him who gave me the energy to press on with my exams when i felt like giving up!
Finally, i felt abit relaxed, from all those stress.

Mmmmm. i am currently having my holidays! But!
This holiday i am gonna make it a fruitful one!
I have so much plans of what to do!
It seems like there is too much.
Firstly, i wanna find a job! so that i can have money to do what i want!
And i guess i have to plan my time well.
So that i wouldn't make anyone unhappy.
Lord, i have lots of plans that i want.
But i know my best plan will be forever in Your hands!
So, during this holiday i am gonna get closer to You!
starting from today! Draw me closer to Your cross!
Let me know what i can do for You.

But i guess among those things that i wanna do, i wanna spend more time with my family!
Enough of late night out but instead focus on my family!
For, God gave them to me! or me to them!
Be it in the Past or present, what's past had past.
i will learn to cherish my family!
Lord, let me learn how to love, beginning from my family!

Enough of those days where i draw near, and far, near and far.
Can my life be different? With God i guess all things are possible!
I don't want to take myself and compare with others.
God, let me focus on what i should.
(:
I wanna spend my whole life, serving You!

"Then he turned the woman and said to Simon, 'Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair." (Luke 7:44)

Who do you think love Jesus more?
Those who are forgiven much or those who are forgiven little?
Both are sinners, but certain people feel that their sin is greater than others.
And when people like these are saved by the Lord, usually they will love the Lord more than others.
Not because the Lord loves them more but rather, because they feel unworthy to receive His love.

It's time to pick myself up again and live for Him!

2010-02-24T15:00:00.002+08:00

i just saw something on facebook which...
mmm.
i guess will hurt God's heart more than mine.
Because of one's wrong doings, be it purposely or not.
But, why do ppl have to add oil in it?

i am currently in school.
com lab
no mood for studying so i am considered slacking!
HAHAHAH(:
and..
recently,
alot of things happened.
And,
well, i have decided to be happy about all things.

*God is good,
all the time.
He puts a song of praise in this heart of mine!*

2010-02-12T20:46:00.000+08:00

it has been so long since i last posted.

ytd night, i dreamt of something which is..
not that good.
and.
today i sort of had a flashback.
i seem to have lost alot,
mmm.
really.
but like what i say before,
if losing all those could make me gain You,
then i would rather have that.
Many many many mistakes done,
but i believe all those are still in Your plan.

Till the day that i shall see You,
i will press on.
cause You are my maker,
You are Jehovah Jireh!
i belong to Yahweh, forever and ever.
and i will worship You till the day i no longer have breath.
Holy Spirit, make my soul glad in You.

Make me a stronger and wiser lady for God!

i am beginning to love my life!

fill me, fill me fill me!
with Your salvation joy that will never leave me!
i proclaim in Jesus name!
AMEN!

2010-01-27T14:58:00.002+08:00

“God’s business is putting things right.” Psalm 11:7

i don't know what i can do.
i know i should take the first step out.
but i just dont know how to take the first step out.

had that sudden rush that i should do it last sunday.
but dont ask me why,
but i didnt do it.

ahhhh
God,
help me.
Holy Spirit, teach me what to do.

it still hurts.
somehow it still does.
i didnt wish that things end up like this.
really.
maybe no one would really understand my this sentence.
but i,
really had no idea why things turned out so ugly.
i am not blaming you or what
cause.
maybe like last time.
it was my fault again.

Teach me what to do.
Teach me how to be happy in You.
Though so many things are happening.

Keep my spirit joyful in You,
guide me through every single thing.

i still love you as a sister.
i really do.
)":
but i just dont know what else can i do

2010-01-20T11:18:00.002+08:00

圣灵啊求你来
我软弱你明白
我无言你叹息
亲自为我代求
你监察我的心
使我走在属神旨意
你医治我的灵
使我生命在此绚丽

啊我心不住赞美
啊我灵不住称谢
你说谁有哭泣
早晨必欢呼
主的恩典乃是一生之久

i feel like going to a far far far far far away place

point of thoughts

2010-01-17T14:15:00.000+08:00

ytd while i was preparing words for cell.
i was thinking abt friendship.
and i came across some verses that God says and see about friendship.
proverbs 17:9,
it says that those who cover their friend mistake with love, has good r/s with friends.
but those who quarrel on everything will lose even close friends.
Job 6:14,
those who is despair even to the point of forsaking God, God says his friend should still treat him with love.

so that is God standard for friendship.
Have i done that? i don't think i did.
come to think of it, my life isn't that smooth since i choose to believe in Jesus.
i do still complaint, emo, angry, ignore, do wrong things and others.
God didn't promise that after believing Him, our road of life will be good and happy.
It's still contain the sadness, sorrow of life.
but what He promise is far better than that.
He promises to be by your side even when you are at the lowest point of your life where even your close friends leave you.

True enough,
we will never realise Jesus is all we need until Jesus is all we have.

How to solve my problems?

If you were to ask me,
i will say i don't know.
hand front, hand back.
both are flesh.
u guys make it sound that i was so in the wrong.
then what did u treated me as when u have other friends?
think of it.
if you were me what will you do?

will it be so easy doing too?

have been aways thinking of all these question.

Life is unfair,
but what can i do?

live on with life i guess.

i may sound bad here,
but give me some time.
i will move on with life.
in some time to come.

thinking back during sermon.
(:

Confusing

2010-01-11T11:08:00.001+08:00

Now is a matter of fact who is speaking the truth and who is not.

It seems that whenever i am moving on with my life,
all these things will come back to me.

Be it in my friendship, relationship.

EVERYTIME.

And it is so irritating.

Seriously.

But i have decided.
I am gonna focus on God this time round.
I will learn how to not be affected.

And at the end of everything,
i will be seeing a beautiful sunrise with Him.

More grace

2010-01-05T11:26:00.003+08:00

i got back my micro test paper taken before the break.
i got 32/40.
hahahahha(:
but i guess now, i forgot everything about it.
It's time for me to work harder now.
have to start studying and move on with life.
What happened, has happened.
No point lingering about it.

i am wondering should i mentor someone else now.
hahahahah(:
since the person has approached me.
i thank God for Ticketing Sister.
come to think of it,
i was really hurt by it.
But.
God used ticketing sister to make me think in another way.
Perhaps i am just the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

Alot of things in this life tie me down
especially friendship or relationship with people.
There have been some things that happened that i dun wan to comment about it
Cause after all, all those are in the past.

Lord,
defend me.
Cause i know i can no longer defend myself anymore.
And i am sick of defending myself too.

i saw this.
My problem matters to God.
"Thank God! He deserves your thanks. His love never quits." Psalm 136:1

永远看顾

2010-01-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

我从来不曾怀疑过，
你到底有多么爱我。
我生命里，
的每一分钟，
都有你看顾着我。

有的时候，黑暗临到。
有的时候，巨浪狂风。
我心依然满有平安，
因为有你看顾我。
我的主。

不管前面道路有多困苦，
耶稣你永远是我的帮助。
只要有你在我生命中永远看顾，
我必能一路永跟随我主。

不管前面道路有多困苦，
耶稣你永远是我的帮助。
只要有你在我生命中永远看顾，
我必能一路永跟随我主。

Life held alot of uncertainty for me.
Especially when i thought i could finally move forward.
Things just happen and
i can conclude.
Maybe sometimes, knowing too much things isn't that good too.
Problems is always there.
But it's all about whether i choose to focus on them or God.
God can help me make my giants fall,
my focusing on problem could make me lose sight of my focus.

-GO TO HIM.
“God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:12
Ever feel as if you need to get away? So did Jesus. (Mark 1:35)
Ever have so many demands that you can’t stop for lunch? He can relate. (Mark 6:31) . . .
Do your friends ever let you down? When Christ needed help, his friends dozed off. (Matthew 26:40) . . .
When you turn to him for help, he runs to you to help. Why? He knows how you feel. He’s been there . . .

So go to him.

sometimes its not good to keep everything to yourself.
crying it out would be a good alternative.

God,
help me.
I am weak, but You are strong.
I have nothing to offer You, but You hold my life on Your hands.
I may have disappoint You many times, but You never fail to disappoint me.
Teach me how to love just as You loved me.
I don't want to compare.
I just want to live for You.
Keep my eyes focus on You.
Focus on You.
I am not worthy, but You paid the price for me.
so that i may live for You.
Our fallenness and mercy meets,
where blood and water flows.
Thank You God.
For You are the refuge where i can turn and run back to.
i have not been strong.
But You can make me strong.
And i want to be strong.
I wanna learn and know You more in this year.
Everything will hurt through the process,
but i want to know You more.
Teach my heart, teach me.

Facing life giants with God

2009-12-29T13:48:00.003+08:00

i seem to have alot of things to do.
like?
projects, projects and..
PROJECTS!

arggg.

they are all lined up after those week of performing.
but its time to start clearing them off and not be lazy.
God please help me!

haha(:
went blog-sighting just now.
and.
Somehow i felt that,
people around are changed!
changed by?
God's love!
(:

thinking back,
this year holds alot of sad memories.
including some decisions which i made without going in my mind.

I guess,
humans are creatures that tend to regret after things happened.

Well,
i guess i should look forward.

Instead of looking at how bad i am among all my mistakes,
i guess i should see how GREAT and faithful my God has been with me.

i guess,
i need more forgiveness in my life.
for myself and towards others.

How could i love when i am still in hatred?
We can forgive and give grace, but if needed.
keep our distance.
To forgive is to letting ourselve move on,
not to think about the offense anymore.
you don't excuse them, endorse her, or embrace them.
you just route thoughts about them to heaven.
Then you will see your enemy as God's child and revenge as God's work.
By the way, how could we grace-recipients do anything less?
Dare we ask God for grace when we refuses to give it?

i wanna be like david.
as a man who is after God's heart.

Giants of our lives, we must face them.
However, we do not need to face them alone.

Taking a break away from God doesn't work.
Honestly.
After one time of a break holiday.
Then will be excuses for you to say when things started going wrong the next time.
Me and a friend thought of this.
Imagine you were to say to God.
"God, i am having my break. so leave me alone during this period!"
Imagine one day if God were to say the same thing to us when we are in need and desperate.
"Wait ah, let me finish my kit-kat first! Then i will pull you out from your problem."
Imagine, when you reach heaven,
God says while He is still enjoying His kit-kat.
"Do i know you?"
nice example.
simple but straight.
God still remain faithful to us.
But am i willing to be faithful to Him too?

You'll never know Jesus is all you need until He is all you have.

Thank You Jesus!

2009-12-25T18:58:00.002+08:00

i am just back from malaysia!
tired):
but FUN!!
(((:

now at zt's house!
HAHAHAHAH(:
waiting to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks with my cell.
i will be more free from 27th onwards.
then i will need to rush my projects le.
):

this time round to malaysia was a great time spent!
we went there to serve!
and i felt i learn some things again!
i didnt have a good sleep ytd
due to some reasons.
hahahahha(:
but i thank God for the prayer time this morning!
it was very good.
could really feel God's presence.
It's always at those not so good timing that i think,
that God will work mightily!

oh!!
and the trip back to Singapore was funnier than going!
haahahahha:D
the trip back minus off joi ah yi plus my sis and xue ying!
hahahahahha:D
so the trip back consist of
me, zt, sis, xue ying, sunmei jie and pastor!
hahahha.
at first all of us was so tired and before we come back
we all said we wanna rest on the car
but then we ended up so high!
and together with pastor!!
LOL:DD

come to think of it
i wanna thank God for blessing us with such a good pastor!
he is really very very nice to us!

and i wanna thank God!
for coming to earth for me on this day,
so that i may live for You!

Thank you Jesus! <3

Your warning and directions always come in time

2009-12-24T08:40:00.003+08:00

like what the title of this post says,
really.
You never fail to warn me with people around me.

Like what i have shared at prayer meeting this tues,
my life this year have alot of ups and down.
however,
it was among all these up's and down that i saw
those who truely love and care about me.
Some never left my side when i left their's side.
sorry to those that i did.
but to look forward,
i thank God for a good mentor that i have!
i may not be the one who always take the initiative,
but you always never fail to remind me the purpose and value God have in my life.

As i started to hestitate to walk the wrong way,
back to where i from.
You never fail to remind me.
Thanks(:

-HOPE NOW
"If everything comes down to love,
then just what am i afraid of?
When i call out Your name,
something inside awakes in my soul.
How quickly i forget i'm Yours.

i'm not my own,
i've been carried by You.
All my life.

Everything rides on hope now.
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down.
Your love sets me free.

When my life is like a storm.
Rising waters all i want is the shore.
You say i'll be okay,
and make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm.

Everything rides on hope now.
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down.
Your love sets me free.

i am not my own,
i've been carried by You.
All my life.

Everything rides on hope now.
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down.
Your love sets me free.

You've become my heart's desire.
All i will sing Your praise higher.
Cause Your love sets me free.
Your love sets me free.
Your love sets me free."

What do i know?

2009-12-22T14:11:00.002+08:00

am back from camp.
i did something that i wouldn't even believe i did that.
haha(:
well,
i just had that thought that i should do it.
even though if nothing happens after that,
i should have expected it.
am still stupid i guess.

move on. move on.
no time to think about all this.

i am really busy this week
but, i guess.
after this two weeks i will find myself empty again.
i don't want the cycle to happens again.

there's alot of hestitation of mine.
which cell, should i really mentor someone.

i am waiting for answer for everything.
but i just
don't get any reply

focus on goliath of yours, and you will tumble.
focus on God, all your goliath will tumble.

"I made You promises a thousand whole time.
I tried to hear from heaven, but i talked the whole time.
I think i made You too small.
I never feared You at all, no.

If You touched my face, would i know You?
Looked into my eyes could i behold You?

What do i know of You, who spoke me into motion?
Where have i even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire, are You fury?
Are You sacred, are You beautiful?

So what do i know?
What do i know of holy?

I guessed i thought that i had figured You out.
I knew all the stories and i learned to talked about.
How You were mighty to save,
But those were only empty words on a page.

Then i caught a glimspe of who You might be.
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

So what do i know of You, who spoke me into motion?
Where have i even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire, are You fury?
Are You sacred, are You beautiful?

So what do i know?
What do i know of holy?

what do i know of holy?
What do i know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do i know of holy?
Of the One who the angels praise.
All creation knows Your name.

On earth and heaven above,
What do i know of this love?

looking forward!

2009-12-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

today had lunch at seoul garden at yishun
hahahhahah(:
it was fun!
with the class!
though i am tired.
seems like i fatter one round liao
LOLOLOL:D

hope everything could continue this way

going for camp tml!
Lord,
please let me find my purpose of life in this camp!
i wanna know You more!
and fill this camp with more of Your presence and leading!
Thank You Jesus!

Looking forward to the change that will happen in my life!

thank God! (:

2009-12-16T10:55:00.000+08:00

yea.
i am finally done with my ppt.
and i will be having my break.
thank God.

i had peace throughout it.
(: thank God.
and God gave me the creativity to change the way of me usually presenting.
later going seoul garden for lunch.
and i am hungry now!
haahahaah((:

thank God for today! (:
this is the day you have made!

Lord, teach me

2009-12-16T01:00:00.002+08:00

i hope everything will end fast

but Lord,
i thank You for giving me this two weeks break.
perhaps it better for all.

i don't know why i can't control
but broke down

tml is my presentation.
somehow, Lord
i am affected.
help me please

reflections

2009-12-14T21:03:00.004+08:00

just finish watching life transformer 2

it's really touching how love could be so simple.
i guess, all along love has been so simple.
But it was how humans made it complicated and untrustworthy.
There was some take away points for me.

In today's episode,
i think is the father who approaches the team.
their family situation isn't that good.
Mum is having some mental illness due to depression without being cured,
while Dad can't work cause of his health.
child of 11 years old can't help much but study.

there was a point when yi feng asked the father.
"why do you still love your wife after she turned like this?"
and the father's reply was:
"i made a vow to her last time."

i was so shocked.
to be honest.
who now in this generation even really meant the vow they say on their marriage?

the other was.
the wife said she was so happy that their hse got a kitchen sink
that she couldn't sleep the day before the crew came to their house.
then yi feng posted a question.
"Think about what's the thing recently that made you can't sleep and being
excited for it. Was it a overseas trip? New handphone? Winning toto?"
For the wife,
it was simply just a kitchen sink that everyone could have taken for granted and which she has wished for it 3 years."

i was really quite proud of the boy.
being at his age, and so sensible.
it really makes me think,
am i really filial to my parents.
got one scene was he came from sch.
then yi feng asked him.
"would you want anything?"
a bag? His reply was i have already had one.
how many of us would have said this?

lastly,
they ended the episode celebrating for the boy.
upon making birthday wish, yi feng asked the boy.
"could you share the first two of your wishes with us?"
the boy reply was.
"for my dad to recover fast and have healthy body."
and the boy stopped.
"only this?" yi feng asked.
"yes" came the reply.

from this family, i could see the meaning of simple love.

Also, from this.
i thank God for the house that i have now.
Which is beautiful and clean.

for those of you who watched the episode.
my house was once even worser than that of the house shown.
my bedroom can fight with theirs.
for those who came to my hse before.
only that my kitchen,
is slightly better.
i wanted to thank all those who helped with our hse once again.
and my cousin.
who initiated the whole project so that me and my sis could have a clean environment to live.
and that my dad's condition could improve.
however,
there is someone i want to thank for helping us alot.
really alot.
that i don't know how to say.
Those late nights and my due to tiredness venting anger.
i never thought how tired you were too.
for one of the things that was cleared out of my house.
which was the most scary too.
always heard that that thing exist, till i really got to see it.
but i guess,
i no longer have the chance now.
If you were to happen to pass by and look.
i want to say,
thank you.
no complicated words, just really meaning it.

i guess i have never said enough of this to you.
well, things happen, things passed.
i should not bother you.

well well.
cheer up shuiting!

now, all i wish for Christmas is to.
Have a healthy body to do finish all my performance.
somehow, i could feel a slight pain.
don't know whether its my imagination or.

i can do it.
plenty of regrets,
but everything is too late.
if can,
how i wished all those didnt happen

Lord,
teach me how to be contented with what i have.
忘记背后，努力面前，
向着标竿zhipao.
can't find the word.
you guys know what i mean(:

jiayou!

first time

2009-12-14T14:21:00.002+08:00

to (:
though i don't know who you are, but thanks for the encouragement.
i can't reply tag.
don't know why

After yesterday sermon,
i have decided what i should do.
(:

i will learn to manage my time more than giving up on my ministry.
After all, ministry is a ground for me to learn and it is the best ground.
That's what pastor said, and that's what i agree with him.
Well, it will be tough.
But i hope i can pull it through.

yesterday night,
something happened.
i am still scare now.
very to be exact

please don't ask me what happened
if u really do care about me.
keep me in prayer,
that's all i ask

God,
please.
At least let me finish serving You this year.
Probably, i will face it next year.
please, let me pull through and nothing bad happens.

Seek and you will find

2009-12-12T22:56:00.003+08:00

i think i am really too busy with things
that i dont have time left for my studies.
As a student now,
i guess my priority is to study.
But i guess i have forget that along the way.
Busy serving, serving and serving.
Till i am abit numb.

i don't wanna lose the purpose why i am even serving.
why?
why am i hanging on till so hard?
cause my focus isnt right?
i guessed so.

i am really busy serving till.
i know i shldn't say all these here.
but i guess, everyone will have their period of this time.

i really want to know so much things for You.
but it seems that my capacity isn't that big yet.
i don't want to be busy in serving and then?
after all the things that i do, i am back to myself again.

i feel that i am serving till i scare ppl more than what God will say of me
like?
giving up studies to go for practices?
i don't know.
maybe its really time to reconsider.
putting down all these is hard,
maybe even to the extent of losing myself in church

i am still praying
i don't know where i am heading
i love the ministry that i am serving
but it seem that i am just too small

perhaps i should consider stepping down and focus on one instead
since everything is gonna change next year.

i guess i need to pray before i make any foolish decision.
i guess its time for me to meet my mentor soon

i am kind of losing my directions.

i wanna be what You want me to be

Happily dancing in a green patch of field,
as i dance, butterflies follows.
and,
when i am tired,
i will know that there is forever a tree
that i could rest under.

i don't wanna be strong for a while
and fall back to where i use to be

"Seek and you will find,
i try to tell myself,
try to tell myself.
I close my eyes and whisper,
seek and you will find."

All i want now, is to be Yours.

2009-12-09T19:49:00.009+08:00

I have been wondering whether the decision i made is correct.
To certain extent,
i even feel like doing something about it.
But thank God, i could still hold myself from doing anything wrong.
If not, i guess i will just create more awkwardness.

And i saw this verse just now,
just as i was asking for an answer which always didnt come.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 NASB

It suggests a self-preoccupation that hurts others. A divisive arrogance.

Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness.

It really made me pause and think about what i wanted to do.

Am i really doing it for us or for my own desire?

And i came to a conclusion.

It has been hard, since its me who wanted this new clear cut ever since don't know when.

It has been tough on my side,
being treated as a piece of glass,
and a lot other feelings that i shall not elaborate.

I guess choosing a decision to follow Him isn't that easy after all.
I know i am not good enough,
i may be weak at times.
But i believe He is strengthening me every min in my life.

Do all things for the good of others and not for myself.

Simple but also at the same time hard to do it.

I am Yours.
All i want now, is to be Yours.
Cause?

*Cause You paid the price, i give You my life.
I'm Yours.

So no matter what the cost, i will go for You.
no matter what it takes, i am Yours.
Becuase You paid the price at calvary.
I give You my whole life, I'm Yours.

Oh Lord, my everything,
to You i lift.
My heart and soul, i'll lift.
For You alone,
i'm not my own.

My life, is Yours.

Cause You paid the price, I give You my life.
i'm Yours.

Cause You paid the price, i give You my life.
i'm Yours.

So no matter what the cost,
i'll go for You.
No matter what it takes,
i'm Yours.
Because You paid the price at calvary
i give You my whole life.

I'm Yours

It's gonna be even tougher ahead,
who ask me to create so much problems for myself?

i just hope there will be someone holding me along the way,
pulling me up even when i fall hard.

And at the end, waiting for me to finish this race.

lessonnnnn

2009-12-08T15:35:00.000+08:00

i am currently having a pom lesson.
totally boring):
argg.
i got a bad news
my bag gave up on me! ):
and it just snap like that.
arggg
no more money for extra bag le.
))):
currently,
no mood):

please let me have the joy of salvation to hold me through.

Lord, i offer my life to You.

2009-12-07T20:39:00.003+08:00

All that i am, all that i have,
i lay them down before You, Oh Lord.
All my regrets, all my acclaim,
the joy and the pain,
i'm making them Yours.

Lord i offer my life to You,
everything i've been through,
use it for Your glory.
Lord i offer my days to You,
lifting my praise to You,
as a pleasing sacrifice,
Lord i offer You my life.

Things in the past, things yet unseen,
wishes and dreams that are yet to come true.
All of my hopes and all of my plans,
my heart and my hands are lifted to You.

Lord i offer my life to You,
everything i've been through,
use it for Your glory.
Lord i offer my days to You,
as a pleasing sacrifice,
Lord i offer You my life.

2009-12-07T10:14:00.004+08:00

can someone help me please??

i don't wanna think about it anymore!
I DON'T WANT!

but why is it keep coming back?

HOW?

move on girl!

2009-12-07T10:14:00.002+08:00

i just got back my internet result
it isn't that good. but well
its over

i thank God for ytd
and ah yi for asking me along
ytd combi was a new one
total of 6 then after that to 6
got..
biquan ge, janet jie, wenyan jie, iris jie, iris jie's neighbour, joi ah yi, my sis and i
hahahhaahah(: new combi
and we shared alot
alot
i realise there are still so much that i dun know
i wana know more Lord!
open my eyes
and i really really enjoyed MTS ytd too

i had a talk with jiamin too
i really hope i could help her in some way or other
though there are still some things that could.
oh well, (:

i really felt so blessed ytd!
i believe today will also be the same!

a heart with thanksgiving is really different
i really get to know how much God has given to me
and how His love is just so so big

it's time to move on(:

Way home isn't easy

2009-12-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

Just reached home.
i think i managed to shock some people on the way home just now.

I think i really look like an idiot just now.

I was pondering over some question.

Still thinking,
Still confuse,
still very confused.

Thought alot on my way home.
Think i have carried alot of load on my journey.
But what can i do to put it down?

I may seem happy on the outside.
But, i am really kind of sick of this life.
Not life,
but myself?
I am not asking or seeking for any pity.
But, does anyone know how i feel?

"God in us! Have we sounded the depth of this promise?

God was with Adam and Eve. God was with Abraham. God was with Moses and the children of Israel. God was with the apostles.

But he is in you. You are a modern-day Mary. Even more so. He was a fetus in her, but he is a force in you. He will do what you cannot.

Can't stop drinking? Christ can. And He lives within you.

Can't stop worrying? Christ can. And He lives within you.

Can't forgive the jerk, forget the past, or forsake your bad habits? Christ can! And He lives within."

I really lost alot, so much that i don't know where to start counting.
I may have hurt others alot too,
but how many know i am hurt in the process too?

Seems like my 属灵恩赐 are coming true.

I lost alot, all the pride, confident in myself or any relationship.
But if losing all these can make me gain You,

i am willing to let go everything.

TEST!

2009-12-01T10:54:00.003+08:00

Having management test later.
Completely no confident.
Don't have the motivation to study
ARG!

Decisions

2009-11-26T17:55:00.002+08:00

i am thinking if i should really just delete this blog
though i just spend my last 2 hours on this new blog skins.
since people are saying that i don't even blog nowadays
why bother?
Maybe its also a better way of shutting myself up

i have a better plan for the new coming year

keep a low profile
just as my surname suggest
LOW shuiting

sounds good

Thank God

2009-11-17T16:55:00.003+08:00

i am currently..
at church now.
sch finished early as the tutor push forward the lesson
just now in sch
i almost lost my laptop
):
almost
thank God i didnt lost it
at first we were having lunch
so me, kakak and the rest went down to north canteen for lunch
then suddenly our class guys call say we got lesson
so we went back to fifth floor
then as i was talking to sherin
i notice that my laptop wasnt on the table
wah
i was so shocked
then i ran down to find my laptop
thank God it was still on the chair
mmmm
now
i will have to chiong my oral outline
for tml presentation
mmmm):

projects and my life!

2009-11-16T18:59:00.001+08:00

i am currently situated at the Mac of my school
which means that
well, i am still in school;
hahhahah(: beside my kakak who is busily working while i am here blogging away

today was a whole new experience for me
to be honest
hahhahha(: it was my first time rushing project till like crazy
but in this project grp
i enjoyed myself!
hahahahahha(:
but next time, i agree. we will have to start working on it abit earlier(:

recently, i dont have the mood to comment on alot of things
probably because of all the projects
things happened, things passed
oh well. (:

i still remembered on fri!
wc and zt came over my hse to stay overnight
we went singing ktv till 1 from 11
hahahahah(:
our plan before that was to go pitstop and play
but, in the end
we ended at mac and the 3 of them
sis, zt and wc started saying they wan go k
hahahhaha
that was the first time like this
it was indeed fun!
everytime is like me go zt's hse stay over
and this time round!
it was like her turn
HAHHAHAHAH(:
but ended up, the next morning i kept falling alslp cause i was too tired
which caused my two friends to be angry
sorry):

i seem to have alot of things going on
till i lost count
one that cant be lost count for sure is celebrating of my dad's bdae this sat
it was actually a home warming cum thank you cum birthday celebration for my hse and dad.
i thank God that my cousin keep offering advices on what we shld do
and helping us to outsource
hahahhahahah
come to think of it
if without my cousin, i dunno where i will be le
hahahhahaha(:

so ya

and here i wanna apologise
maybe recently my mood or attitude towards things isnt that good
may be caused by three reason
#1: Projects
#2: Lack of sleep
#3: dont know why

hahahahaha(:
so if in any case, it really did happen to u
let me apologise first

but well, i will try to control my mood

i wanted to try something out today
but i didnt managed to in the end
hahahhahah
but well,
i guess there's always next time

and after so much things,
i think
Shuiting
you should really learn from your mistake
wake up, and move on!
(:

Who am i that You are mindful of me?

2009-11-12T18:48:00.003+08:00

i am currently still in school
6.49pm still in school
hahahahah:D
those project days are coming back):
think i am going to be together with my laptop quite often soon
the rate that those projects are comingin that i lost track of it
but i thank God for some kind people He places in my class to help me
it's like, when i ask them for help
they will just be willing
and they are some who is also,
without me asking they offer their help to me
haha(:
this really seem like something that is worth to give thanks to the Lord about!
hahah(:
remind me that i should also go the extra miles for others!
i just finish doing something
which i have a pretty good feeling about
not my project work for sure!
HAHAHAHAHA(:

reminds me of ytd
i stayed back in school ytd too
stayed till around 6 plus
and was chatting with some of my close girl friends in class!
and i thank God for that good period of time
ahahahhahaha(:
it wasn't wasted!
that's all i wanna say!

ohh!
and Zt finally came back le!
talked to her just now
hope i managed to clear the misunderstanding!
(:
actually, through my 4 or 5 years friendship with her
i learnt alot from her
it always seem that i have always take things that God gave me for granted
and real friends isn't that hard to find
especially those who really cares for you
i will continue to learn how to be a good friend!
hahahahhaha(:
give me more wisdom to allocate my time Lord
don't let me be worn out!
let me know where i am heading for and go for it!

i realised its when i am chiong-ing without directions that i will start comparing
and start feeling tired. that why am i always the one who does all the work
but someone once said this to me: "If a ministry to you is important, you wouldn't let others do the dirty jobs for you."
Yea.
Lord,
give me the passion that i have for You when i started off.
i don't want to give up just half way.

i want to be happy everyday!
i want to have joy that is really flowing from the inside
cause i know my life got You!

everthing's changing.
people come into our life, people go.
hurts inflicted, heart's are closed up.
it's there, but i don't want it to affect me
enough foolish things that i have done
i want to be different for You!

teach my heart and guide me please!

it seems like a affirmation to me
maybe its me thinking too much but
as i refer to a website that i always see
today, it says:

Let Him Change Your Mind

so big that i think, this time round i wont miss it!
hahahhaha(:
“Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2 NASB

it was just like moments ago while i was talking to zt
abt God speaking to us
He will speak to His children.
i never doubted that truth.
but me?
when will it be my turn Lord?

天天都有好心情！

2009-11-06T08:51:00.003+08:00

there is so many things that i want to say
but
i just no longer have that vocabulary of mine to say out in words
when looking at blogs to blogs
why should i stay troubled here when others have already move on with their life?
i only want to be happy
is it so difficult?

but i still thank God for some people whom i can feel happy around them
people like my sis, ah yi, aq jie, cousin, wc & zt (though things happen, but i still enjoy those cookies days) and some others.

sometimes, there are just some small moments which lights up my life
why should i still feel so troubled?
come on shuiting!
Move on!
there are still many things in life which i should be happy about!
be happy! happy! happy! happy! happy!
开心，开心，开心，开心，开心！

我希望，
天天都有好心情！
不管刮风或下雨！
偶尔难免不如意，
也没什么值得生气！

天天都有好心情，
会不会有问题？
只要和快乐再一起，
就算平平凡凡
有什么问题。
天天好心情！

i pray for more of YOUR joy in my life!